I worried about losing my job that season. I was a sound guy on Young Sheldon and with me going through everything maybe I’d do something crazy like forget to put batteries in the mic box or delete all the audio or scream into the boom. It doesn’t matter what happened to me but I’ll just say I lost too much in too short a time. You understand that or not.

Okay I’ll say what happened. My son died. I found him in the crib corner. I knew when I stepped in the room and his breathing was missing. My wife left for Paso Robles. She blamed me for not putting him in a long sleeve.

Sorry I know that’s a lot to hear and maybe I shouldn’t have said it. Anyway it was hard on my mood. Those nights I walked huge loops.

The mind failed. I’d been honest to my sliding scale therapist then repeated myself then started lying. It didn’t seem like the examining mattered. She had a bunch of stuffed turtles in a corner chair.

The spirit failed. I wasn’t connected to the present moment which was very important to my meditation teacher. It was basically all he cared about. Someone asked him about justice. He said it didn’t mean anything. The student goes what about hate crimes and the teacher goes who are we to judge? His words. Quote. I about lost it. How could someone say that about justice?

I walked Echo Park Lake on those night loops I was telling you about. One thing I didn’t say was I walked so much hoping to get killed. A car speeding over the curb or random gun to my head or wild boar escaped from the zoo. Nothing happened. I know what the news says but it’s hard to get killed in Los Angeles.

There were rows of tents up at the park. I knew one of the guys that lived there named Garrett. We worked on a Toyota commercial together. He did electrical. I asked what happened. Guy said all the work went to Iowa. He worked part time as a handyman. I looked into it and Iowa didn’t have much of a film or commercial industry. A lot of work left for other states so he was right overall.

Lake geese yelled and cried.

One morning before sunrise I passed a group loitering around trucks at the park parking lot. I went up hoping it was a gang and they’d kill me but no it was this workout class. They had 7-11 coffees and cutoff shirts even though it was cold as shit. Some stretched next to their cars. I asked what the class was about and they looked at each other like maybe they wouldn’t tell me like it was a secret. This lady touches her toes and goes beginner cardio boxing.

Coach Manny pulled up in an ’88 Mazda. He didn’t get out for a while because he was arguing with someone on the phone. Also I didn’t know he was Coach Manny then that came later. This phone fight got so loud everyone must’ve heard but the class didn’t seem worried and kept stretching. Finally Manny climbed into the back seat and fell out the passenger door. He wore a tank top like the rest. Again freezing. He yells for everyone to get to it like he’d been the one waiting on them.

He dropped a duffel bag on the grass full of a bunch of white rolls. The rest of the class taped up their own hands. Coach looked at me and said you’re new sir. Manny called everyone sir or ma’am. He wrapped me while the others ran the lake. He goes I’m Coach Manny.

I held my fingers out and he wove gauze in and out the webs. It tickled but I knew not to laugh. Coach Manny was serious about beginner cardio boxing. He told me the three rules. One: Listen to Your Coach. Two: Listen to Your Body. Three: If Park Staff Ask We’re a Friend Group That Works Out Together for Fun and There’s No Coach.

He slapped my padded palms a few times. Boxing hands he goes. I saw his bare arms and ran off with the tape.

At Warner Brothers I couldn’t focus. On top of everything I’d stolen some guy’s boxing tape. The AD called sound. I stuttered before I called back rolling. He looked back at me then back at the actors. In the scene Sheldon was correcting a teacher about math. After they cut the AD comes up to me and goes are you all right? I go yeah. He goes because you were talking during the take. I go yeah? He goes yeah you were saying sorry. I say sorry. He goes don’t say sorry. Don’t say anything.

Some context. As a sound guy being quiet is huge. You don’t want a reputation as the sound guy that talks.

I walked even longer loops that night. I heard everything. When people say it’s a quiet night that’s shit. Nothing’s quiet. The buzz of transformers and TVs on in rooms you can’t see and people laughing from blocks away. A good joke in an apartment has cost shoots millions. There’s no quiet on Earth.

I was past the tents and almost at the freeway when I found a guy in a hoodie. He walked fast with his hands in his sweatshirt pouch like he was hiding something. The guy crossed the street so I crossed the street and got close up behind him. Right on his heels. I wonder if getting killed hurts. After a few blocks he starts stretching his shoulders. His hands flex. Guy flips at me and throws a bag and runs. He thought I was gonna kill him. I pick the bag up. It’s full of tiny wood xylophone mallets.

Echo Park Beginner Cardio Boxing had an Instagram account. I messaged and said I was the guy that stole his tape and asked if I could send some money. How much tape is worth I had no clue. Four hours later Coach Manny goes don’t worry about it. Then he said to just bring it next time. I hadn’t thought there’d be a next time. That he still wanted me as a student was a kind of grace. Before I went back I had a question. I asked what his thoughts were on hate crimes. He goes I can’t stand that shit. Good answer.

I expected the class to ice me out but they were warmer than before. One lifted his coffee. The lady touching her toes smiled upside down. Coach Manny fell out of the passenger side. He laid out the tape bag. I wrapped my hands the best I could. Coach Manny looked me over and said it looked like a kid toilet papered a tree. He was funny like that.

These beginner boxing workouts were intense. Tons of punching. Running around. More punching. You can’t believe the amount of punching. They don’t call them punches though. Jab. Cross. Hook. Uppercut. Combos of all those. I figured out why everyone was in tank tops. You got hot quick.

Coach Manny said inspiring stuff. Dig deep! Power through! Trust your breath! Check in! Empty the tank! Stay in! No water! A lot of what he said could apply to life in my opinion.

By the end of class I had a miracle. I felt fine for four minutes. If you’ve never been lost in extreme feeling you may not understand. I felt fine. Four minutes.

Doing those workouts helped my focus. During a scene where Sheldon was being smarter than the teacher I could hear a level was off and sure enough the teacher’s mic had come loose in her shirt. The AD goes nice job. I told him no problem and rolled up my sleeve. I was showing off my tricep.

AD is another way to say assistant director I should have said that before.

Those nights I walked long loops and still nothing killed me. Animals kept distant. Maybe they could sense my new knowledge of cardio boxing.

Coach Manny goes sir you don’t know where your power is. He goes you’re going wild with your arms but you’re ignoring your hips! That’s your power. I tried it. He was right. Tons of muscles in your core. If you’re ever cornered and have to punch your way out twist into that bastard. Don’t just flick your elbow. Give him your hip.

After the workout the lady that touches her toes touches her toes and tells me why she works out. Her husband died two days before their trip to Portugal. Brain aneurysm. There she was husband dead and she couldn’t feel anything. Something in her wasn’t processed. Nothing worked. The grief wasn’t in her. To get out of the quiet house she started running mornings. Then she felt it she felt that sadness. The grief was in her legs. She goes what does the heart know? Nothing.

We film an episode where the dad explains social niceties to Sheldon. His confusion is heartbreaking. This genius kid doesn’t get why you would tell a white lie. Some difficult things are so obvious to him and some of the simple things don’t make sense at all. During a break I compliment the writer. He lifts a doughnut.

I walk that night with a terrible thought. What if my kid was a genius? What if the world lost a great mind? No one would know. Not even me. I feel like I’ve ignored my son and his gifts and my thoughts go brutal. That morning’s workout I broke rule number two. I didn’t listen to my body. My heart went nuts and my face itched. My guts shut down. I shouldn’t have gone to the boxing class in the first place. We did our warmup and sparred. I went a little too hard on my partner. Then I went way too hard. I punched him like I was punching the world for killing my maybe genius son. My partner drops his gloves and hooks the sides of my head a few times. Something tight pops in my ears. He must have hit his mark because it all goes tinny. Then buzzing at my cheek. It’s Manny asking if I can hear. I can’t. The way I know he asked is by mouth and context.

I show up to work with my mic and can’t hear for shit. Another thing you should know about being a sound guy is it’s important to hear. Maybe the most important part.

I’ve been through enough of the motions that I can fake some of it. Someone taps my back. I raise my thumb. All good. I put my headphones on my busted ears which felt like someone flicking a broken bone. Young Sheldon is cutting it up at this point and I smile politely. The AD looks back at me and his mouth goes sound. I go sound rolling! Everyone turns. He didn’t mouth sound, he mouthed background. He wanted the extras. Shit. I’d yelled rolling in the middle of a take.

As I’ve said it’s important to be quiet as a sound guy. I can’t hear a fucking thing the AD goes on about while he fires me but I still nod. It looked heartfelt.

At this point I’m ready to step in front of a car or I’d wait for a truck because those drivers wouldn’t be bothered taking life. I started my loop but the sidewalk was blocked with police tape. Something went down at Echo Park. I wondered if a gang fight had broken out but a few guys watching from the corner mouthed it was the cops that were beating random people. LAPD went through the park and tore out all the tents and there had been a bunch of people down there trying to block them who got all fucked up. They even arrested journalists which I didn’t think they could do?

I walked around the tape and vans. There was a group of cops in the parking lot leaning on their car trunks drinking 7-11 coffee. The pressure in my ears stung. I walked down the hill at them. They were laughing and ignored me. I picked up some speed. One of them noticed and nudged another then they all stood up from the bumpers. The first cop said something at me. I didn’t say anything but I just kept stepping to them. I stepped faster. One of them grabbed his belt. They were yelling now. I wondered how many I could take down before they killed me. They’d corner me at a fence but they might not know cardio boxing. I would do a few combinations then get blasted down. One touched the edge of his gun and I was glad that I wouldn’t hear the shots. Right when my foot went from the grass to the lot pavement I heard my hip joint crack. Actually heard this bone in my body: click. A click sound. What it said you can’t really say in words if that makes sense. The body has its own language and I won’t try to translate. I listened to it like a coach. I turned off and hit the crosswalk.

Okay I’ll translate. My hip joint told me I was a pitch in music with the world and time. You understand that or not.

A gate went up across the park from that night on. A prison for swan boats. That was it for class. Coach Manny never showed again and we scattered.

I still message the cardio boxing account a few times a year. I don’t hear back and that’s okay. I tell Coach Manny anything. When I found a new apartment. That me and the toe touching woman went on four dates in four nights. My disappointment when she called it off. The decline in bee populations. How I bought a used Honda Fit. How easy it parallel parked. How good the mileage was. Dread. Hope. New jobs. Tips on soundproofing. Workout achievements from my intermediate cardio boxing class. That my son’s head smelled like sunblock even in winter. ■

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